Finding Home

I attended our 3rd Graders' First Holy Communion  and as they were lining up for the processional, one of them said to me, "Ma'am Bea, you look beautiful." Now I think what she meant was that she rarely sees me in clothing other than my usual functional fitness garb when I facilitate their functional movement exercises for their P.E. class.  This time I was wearing a sleeveless pencil-cut dress,  two-inch heels and light make-up on. My heels were killing me and I felt as if somebody just put straps around my body making it hard to breathe, ha! But I digress. After I told her that she was prettier than me with her exquisite white veil, white dress, sparkling white shoes and sparkly eye make-up,  another girl then asked, "Ma'am Bea will we have games?" I laughingly replied, "No,  not this time my dear. Next week we'll have games. Now go and have at it with your First Communion. " When these kids were Grade 2, they were one of the first b

"Pilok na lang ang dili sakit." Days like these are coming more and more frequently. Dark. Somber. Anything but light. Empty ones. Like a can of pineapple juice opened, its liquid poured out elsewhere, the can placed outside where weeds grow. Where a drop of rain blares like An echo. The one you make when you shout in a cavernous space. Whatever it is-- room, hall, hill, the world, your heart, your life. For a moment you smile. It seems you are not alone. But then you realize It's just you.  "Pilok na lang ang dili sakit." "Pilok nalang." "Sakit." Until there are no words left,  just your fist thumping on your chest Telling a story you can no longer tell, Does it hurt everywhere?"  "Yes."

35 Where parts of me are imperfect and yet in those parts I become one and whole. 35 Where all at once I am beautiful and miserable and glorious. 35 Where I am alone, lonely, yet if I repeat it again and again doesn't mean anything Only that I am who I am and nobody else. I am my own and nobody else's. 35 Where I am finding crevices of faith here and there and boulders of uncertainty woven into me. 35 Where the sun hides and the moon appears. Where lines blur. Where various lives leave. 35 Where metaphors become truth. Truths obscured. 35 Songs. Sung in weeping or laughter unbroken after a year of longing. 35 Words. Or more. Lines or more. Rhythms or more. Vows or more. 35 I love you's. I forgive you's. I will love you again. And again. 35 Leaves turning gold. Kindness. Not love Not just yet. 35 I will be kind to myself. From now on. 35 Where parts of me are imperfect and yet in those parts I become one and whole.

A road trip to our favorite place. 20 minutes in, I had the boys change into their rash guards, put sunblock on their bodies. Garret and Morgan exchange delicious spurts of giggles after realizing where we were actually going. It had been quite some time since we last went.  We park our truck and alight. The sea wall had been destroyed in some places. But the sea was beautiful as ever. Garret's brows furrow as he sits down on the brown sand. Morgan's cheeks puff up as it usually does when a grin starts. He gingerly steps on the sand where the very edge of waves touch the shore. He does not dive in. He scoops a handful of sand and peers at it laughing his Morgan laugh as he lets it run through his fingers. He digs his feet in, toes curling and  uncurling in between small stones, sea, revelry.  He walks further away exploring. I wade waist deep and go underneath. I surface and see Morgan gently lie on his side his arms extending, his right underwater, his left

Illuminating. The only word I can use to describe my trip every time I visit home. Which is why after too long of an absence, me dreading the traffic and the flooding in the more urbanized Cebu, and with Typhoon Hanna hovering over the northern part of the country, I surprised my mom with a short visit last week. Rough seas left me stranded as fast craft trips were cancelled the day I was due to return to Ormoc.  With all setbacks being blessings in disguise, being stranded was no different. I'm starting to think the Universe absolutely loves giving me setbacks more than my two hands could grasp, just so I can recognize the blessing in each and every single one of these. So when the Universe sends me these packages covered in ugly wrapping paper, there are only four things to do: pause, breathe, ponder then do. In the pausing, breathing, pondering and doing, the packages are unwrapped revealing valuable insights that carry me through life: Spend time with the people you

I gave a team building workshop a couple of years ago and in  one of the activities I asked the participants to take out the contents of their wallet, spread it all out on the table and choose three items they consider most important and cite reason/s why.  Out came the male participant's two-fold wallets and the women's three-fold ones. Debit or credit cards were usually the first choice. Cash, another obvious choice. Some chose identification cards. And the common third choice was a photo of a loved one.  For apparent reasons one needed cash or access to cash wherever one is. Identification cards, so that in case of emergencies, people will know who you are and know who to contact. Photographs of loved ones, well, there's no need for explanation for this, really.  Or do we?  I wonder how many of us in this day and age still carry actual photographs in our wallets or purses. How many of us still go to a photo developing center and have actual photos printed

My cup of Mt. Kitanglad A delicious lightness to the palate Easing my way to good 'ol Monday Sweet potatoes steaming Spinach, basil Fresh eggs Birds serenading my early morning My notepad and pen Scribbling in purple ink like a six-year old just learning the tripod grip, skills that are finite. Silence Absence Laughter Joy Insight-- Where I am is where I'm supposed to be. And how beautiful it is. As beautiful as friends turning into family, Places that we take with us, Become a part of us Filling the spaces Creating some more Expanding our universes And making it small. Darkness, one that is necessary For light to Break through. This. This moment as I write.  I do not know a great many things But this, All this I do know to be true. (Photo taken at Visayas State University, Baybay City, Leyte)