Finding Home

Sudden memories Appear out of nowhere Like cocktail servings In minute increments Like unexpectedly meeting An old friend as you turn Left at a blind corner Catching you viciously off guard Like being shown an old Home video That remind your sorry self How at one point you were alive Tasted life down to its Very core Dared to go to the very edge And yet find that, You could not say "More." Instead what you could manage were Soft retorts of, "Maybe in an alternate universe, Maybe another lifetime. " And now I am writing this On an imaginary journal That you handed to me On the drabbest street Praying as I write you feel The strokes, hear me talk To myself, "Life is a word problem, According to them Whoever said calculus Was of no use was right A lot of X's and Y's Variables they call them Damn right they were And me? I'm a "W" And there's no solution To this

Monsoon June Rain Coats Rain Boots Roof Gutters Drop By single Drop Gush Splash Onto a pool Of earth Stones And mud Ripples Surround That Pin drop Concentric Rounds Bringing Me back to 11 years past When rain was Not rain at all What was it? I forget. Oh yes there it is-- A deep dull ache Tearing at my gut Rain back then Was, oh you know one nonchalant, mere Bleeding of My too brash Brazen, hubristic heart. Why don't you Just stop? I said to this Wretched organ As in stop beating So the pain would Be no more? But it was deaf And stubborn hard-headed And so on it Went beating 60 per minute Sometimes less Sometimes I willed it to be less But still it fought And the rain just Poured Down-poured Torrential Washing away all 20 pounds Of flesh Why couldn't it Wash away my Heart instead? That place That was what The poets were Raving about Th