This Autism Life, This Chosen Life
I imagine mothers with neurotypical children still lose sleep wondering where their 21-year-olds are at night doing whatever 21-year-olds do, praying they get home safe and sound. I, on the other hand, lose sleep because my 21-year-old neurodivergent son refuses to sleep. Or rather his body does not allow him to. His neurophysiology is on hyper-alert whenever a change in routine is occurring. Never mind the meltdowns that inevitably follow. Do I wish we had a different life, a more normal one? Yes. Many times. Especially now where in my perimenopause phase I value sleep more than ever. And my mental and emotional state teeters back and forth with my fluctuating hormones. Three years ago, a friend gifted to me Matt Haig's The Midnight Library. Since reading it, it made me realize that had I had made a different choice two decades plus before, I could have had a different life. Perhaps I wouldn't have borne children ...