Can You Meet Yourself Where You Are?

Utthita Trikonasana or Extended Triangle Pose is one of the most memorable and significant poses for me. It was the pose where a teacher, four years ago did something so simple yet compelling enough to make me still remember it to the day and remind me how to guide others as well when I am teaching. She cued me to shift my bottom hand to move further up my knee instead of reaching down to my foot, allowing my upper body to open, emphasizing the lateral stretch whilst keeping the spine in safe alignment. At the time, I didn't have the flexibility to do the full expression of the pose. It was a simple adjustment but it was powerful enough to evoke insights that have been my constant guide in my own personal practice on and off the mat. This particular teaching moment and without question my 200-hour teacher training with Santosha Yoga Institute. 

First, to understand what the pose is for. What is its primary intention? This refers to the anatomical / physiological goal of the pose. Second, to acknowledge what my body is capable of in terms of existing flexibility, fascial conditioning, core strength and such. Lastly, to fully listen to and heed what my body needs at any given moment. Each day is not the same and my body's capacity changes according to the mental and emotional disposition it is in. What cannot be reiterated enough is that the practice of self-compassion in a world where oppressive self-sacrifice is the ideal to an extent, is the stronghold for this inquiry and journey. 

At any given experience, what is my primary intention? What is the experience meant to teach me? What am I capable of in meeting the experience? How can I deal with the situation mentally, emotionally, spiritually? What kind and how much agency do I have to live through this experience? Then to act, do and be as necessary. Gently, slowly, or with more effort, pushing myself further but always within the range of my window of tolerance.

"Can you meet yourself where you are?" another teacher asks during the class. "There is nothing to prove," she continues. "This isn't an ego-based practice. This is just information about your body. Can you meet it with self-acceptance?"

Now, I can reach my hand down to my ankles without compromising the integrity of the triangle pose with its primary intention. But it first required me to fully acknowledge and accept myself wherever I was at the time which meant I had to drop my ego, embody what it is to be humble so I could truly listen to and heed to what my body needed. I had to be kind to myself. 

Needless to say, off the mat is more challenging. It’s one thing to have only your body and your mat in a controlled environment. It’s a completely different thing out in the real world, in real life. But it doesn’t mean it was, is impossible. Have I failed many times to heed my needs and instead pushed myself over the edge in the name of self-sacrifice? Numerous times. But have I also experienced the joy and peace of truly meeting myself where I am at in the moment as it needed me to be? Yes, I have. Can I meet both failure and success in this striving as they are, as an undeniable, integral part of who I am? Can I meet myself wherever I am? With self-compassion and reminding myself that I am enough just as I am, yes, I certainly can. 

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ― Carl R. Rogers

        P.s. Thank you, Jennifer Non for that experience 4 years ago at Lotus Shores Siargao. 

               Thank you, Kassandra Reindhart for your words of truth and solace in your classes.