Belonging

In Photo: Ground Zero Barangay Mailhi, Baybay City, Leyte

Resilience is a word that is thrown so carelessly these days of surviving catastrophes, miniscule or large-scale. What we fail to see is that resilience, this ability to bounce back from a crisis, depends highly on the quality of mental, emotional and spiritual support we get from those that surround us be it family, friends, community. The particular kind of support as well cannot be just one dimensional. It needs to derive from a holistic perspective and dynamic. The whole person. The whole community. The collective consciousness. The reality we are faced with, however, tells us otherwise as we are so used to just "wing it", barrel through it, summon it. Whatever "it" is to get us through the crisis.   If we are truly to begin the authentic work of healing, transformation, evolution, there is a compelling need to understand that the much needed support to develop real resilience must come from a return to the roots of what it is that makes us human. This includes recognizing not just the physical aspect of hunger, thirst, shelter, safety but also the need and  power of belonging. Healing and and the myriad non-linear ways may look different for everyone. But one thing remains constant-- Resilience, as a manifestation of healing requires that we take the time and space to sit with our entire existence and experience of life's spectrum-- pain, sorrow, depression, anxiety, joy, peace, elation, all the while grounded in the sense of belonging to one another. Most of all, holding space for one another most adamantly in the neglected emotional and mental aspects of being alive. Resilience begins with the poignant truth--"It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to break down. It's okay to be wounded. It's okay to ask for help and receive help." 

In the recent Psychological First Aid mission I was fortunate enough to take part in, at the end of our last day, we were fraught with the magnitude and gravity of the mental and emotional needs unaddressed due to the lack or absence of appropriate services. It was overwhelming. A twinge of helplessness was clearly expressed through the question "Kinsa ma'y mu abag ug muunong aning mga bataa?" Who will help these survivors cope with the trauma of losing their families after we each have gone home to our personal lives? Needless to say, we did the best we could with the meager resources available making the next best recommendation. For now, lives still hang in the balance as survivors continue to "wing it", barrel through and summon their courage, or what's left of it to live their lives. Long after the stomachs are fed, shelter is ensured, social support relentlessly remains a need to be filled.

Numerous studies have concluded how much social support constitute Resilience. The American Psychological Association wrote in its resilience report: “Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance, help bolster a person’s resilience.”. 

Belonging. Holding space. We belong to each other. We have to hold space for one another because we belong to each other. Though this particular mission of social support never has an end in sight, perhaps we can begin by simply be present for one another. We may not be able to solve the world in one day, on a level that is large-scale. But perhaps in our miniscule ways, one moment at a time of giving our attention fully to those in need may be enough. Listening without judgment, allowing space for everything experienced to be heard and in the process clarified, reframed, supported, accepted for what it is. For now it is enough. Perhaps, this is truly what resilience looks like. Bouncing back is simply having each other's backs mentally and emotionally. 

In the meantime, I am stirred restless for something more palpable and concrete to be done in my immediate community. I do not know yet what the next days will look like for my stirred heart. I do know that the one question that arose from such a powerful experience in the PFA is that in seeing our fellow humans  in deep, unfathomable pain, what do we do about it? Is this life even worth living if we cannot ease even just a portion of the pain of another?

The call is obvious enough yet cannot be reiterated enough. Mental Health is the advocacy here. Even before we can begin to imagine programs and organizations in the community that specifically address this, we need to start where all things start--with our individual selves.  To ask the question to ourselves. If I am in pain, what do I do about it? How can I heal myself? Then with our own families. How can I bring healing to my family? Then on to our  community. The tagline that has no doubt been overused and yes, thrown carelessly in the past two years-- How indeed do we "heal as one" beyond the physical form? If we have the humility to answer these then perhaps only then can we finally utter the word "Resilience" no longer carelessly but with full conscious awareness of our entire humanity.