A Truly Sped-tacular Day
I was recently invited by the Institute of Human Kinetics (IHK), Visayas State University in Baybay City Leyte to share a message of inspiration to parents, teachers and learners with special education needs. This invitation was part of the program of their annual Sped-tacular Day Camp that consisted of adaptive physical, arts and music activities for the students at Baybay Central 1 Special Education Division. Each year, 2nd year university students enrolled in Bachelor of Physical Education and Bachelor of Culture, Arts and Theater create these adaptive and inclusive activities as part of their final requirement in one of their subjects, SPED 117 Foundation of Special and Inclusive Education.
Upon learning of the back story of this annual tradition, how one of the instructors of IHK, who also happened to be the Vice President of Student Affairs initiated this activity since 2008, I was awed and felt a familiar fire in my insides reminding me of the years when my two boys, now teenagers, were younger and I was an active advocate for Autism Awareness in our city of residence. That my two children were now teenagers when this invitation to be a guest speaker was gifted to me was very much a timely opportunity. Given the mound of experiences I have gathered, processed and integrated in our own life with autism, the alignment of intention and season was a wonderful convergence. But more than anything, while our life has been given considerable challenges and seemingly insurmountable odds, we have been graced with the gifts of introspection that ground us to what is truly important in life. And it is only right to share the gifts of essential wisdom to others who need it.
Although I had to improvise and adjust my message, speaking some parts of it in our mother tongue to convey it more clearly, this was the gist of my message:
I am a mother of two teenagers who have autism—Garret is 19 and Morgan is 16 years old. Garret has little verbal language and Morgan is non-verbal. Since there are currently no vocational programs for teenagers with autism in our place of residence, Ormoc City, I homeschool them in the very basic, independent life skills that they need. When they were younger, we enrolled them in all the early intervention therapies one could think of—Occupational Therapy, Speech and Language Therapy and Special Education Classes. In 2009-2014, my husband and I created and managed a Sped Center in our school at St. Paul’s School of Ormoc Foundation for 5 years so our boys and other children as well would have the necessary interventions and to ensure that the therapists and teachers would stay for a substantial amount of time. But, as with everything in life, shifts happen in priorities and direction. We decided to close the center eventually. Thankfully, another Occupational Therapy Clinic opened a few years after and we were able to continue the boys’ therapy sessions until the pandemic happened. So now in the present moment is where we are.
While my two children are already teenagers, we still have a long road ahead of us. And while we have gone through the seemingly more crucial stages of childhood, the teenage years are a different kind of difficult and challenging. In our life with autism, I do not know a great many things. But I have learned 3 undeniable truths that I would like to share with you today: Humility, Simplicity and Kindness.
Humility
When we decide to have children, more often than not, even before they are born, we already have these expectations and plans on how to raise them. In other words, we already laid out their dreams for them even before they get a chance to create a dream for themselves. At least this is my personal experience. How quickly I was proven differently when I had my two boys. And just as abruptly, I realized how while I had these plans, heaven had other plans in mind. Mainly to show me how little I know of this vast mystery of life. I was humbled. Humility is one of the hardest life lessons but once you become a mother, you now have this capacity you never had before, to expand your perspective, to enlarge your heart to hold space for your children, figure out what THEY do need, not what YOU need. Every single day ever since Garret and Morgan were born, I learn from them. They teach me more than I could ever hope to teach them. In so many ways, I’ve found that while the theme for today’s event refers to how kids with special needs CAN and WILL, speaking to capacity and motivation, we, parents question ourselves every day whether we CAN do this. The good news is that we find out that indeed we can. If we only allow ourselves to be humbled by the miracles that present themselves to us in the most mundane and simple ways through what our children can achieve in their own time, and own ways, then yes, we can. And because we realize that we can, we certainly will.
As teachers, the situation is the same, I believe. Even among neuro-typical learners, you soon begin to discover that each student learns differently. Some excel through particular modes of learning. Others are more inclined to learn in other ways. Once you begin to recognize that you certainly do not know everything and if you are open-minded enough to learn from your students, with humility you can truly help them in the ways that will allow them to first believe that they can do many things and be motivated enough to truly flourish to their full potential.
Simplicity
We often think of the grand as the measure of what it is to have a good life. Our society constantly tells us to do this, do that, achieve more, do more. And so with our children with special needs, we constantly make the mistake of trying to make them do things that neurotypical kids do even if it overwhelms them, even if they’re not yet ready, even if it isn’t appropriate for them for whatever reason. I personally have learned that simple is best. And that what matters is the attention and presence I give to my boys, Garret and Morgan in everything we do. Even if it’s a simple act of eating with them, playing with them, driving them to the mall, doing chores with them, as long as they can feel that I am fully present with them, the calm and smiles on their faces say it all. As a result, they’re more focused and motivated to do any task they need to do at hand. If I keep it simple, they certainly can and they definitely will.
For teachers, and sped teachers know this well, when we streamline our daily tasks for them, follow a consistent routine, keep it simple and doable, this is where they thrive and learn best. And even as we teach them new things, bringing them out of their comfort zones, we ease them into the unfamiliar by breaking down tasks to make it clearer and understandable for them. So that they can achieve what they set their mind to achieve. And they will achieve it.
Kindness
We are our very own worst critic. We may be so patient and kind and loving to our children but we always wonder whether we’ve done all we can for the children. We rarely extend the same patience, kindness and love to ourselves. We don’t ask for help. We don’t take care of ourselves. We put our mental health last on the priority list. As a result, we burn out. But we can’t afford to do this because our children rely on us. Even as they grow older and become adults, they will need us to be our best selves. This is the third lesson I’ve learned as an Autism mama. The kindness that I so willingly and readily give my children, I should first and foremost give to myself. This means that I take care of my health. I see to it that I exercise, eat nourishing food, take time to rest when it is time to rest, spend time with those who emotionally support me. And take the time to mentally stimulate myself so I can continue to be sharp and active. Because my boys need me to be at my best for as long as I possibly can. I can be kind to myself. I will be kind to myself. So that they can and will live life to the fullest in their own beautiful way.
For teachers as well whether you are sped teachers or regular teachers, or still studying to become teachers, kindness to yourself goes a long way. Take time to nourish your mental health and physical health. Rest when you must. Eat food that nourish your body and mind not just for immediate gratification but for longevity. Move mindfully, exercise. Seek mental and emotional help from professionals and supportive and safe resources. You can do this even when it seems too much to do. And you will because you only have one life. And this life while given to you without your permission, is also a gift. I remember a line from the mythologist, Michael Meade “Each person comes to life at a time when they have something to give to the world.” You have this great purpose of nurturing our children with special needs. In the days where you doubt yourself, remember these lines. You have purpose. Put your hand on your heart. Feel it beating. Feel your breath. You are alive for a reason. If you’re tired, don’t give up. Learn to rest. The world needs you. Our children need you to be kind to yourself. So that they can be the best they can be. And they will be because of your kindness to yourself.
To all our very special children, teenagers, and adults, this I say to you:
You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are so loved.
Thank you for your presence in our lives.
On this note, I'd like to share with you a poem I wrote in 2011. I imagined this would be what my own children would tell me if they could speak.
If I Could Speak
If I could speak, I would tell you how the light shining through giant acacia trees is like heaven kissing my tender cheeks.
If I could speak, I would tell you how birds soaring, landing and once again taking flight stupefy my mind.
If I could speak, I would tell you how the leaves floating in the wind is like me dancing to the trumpets of cherubim
If I could speak, I would tell you how the feel of the grass, the morning dew and its dry roughness in the afternoon sun comfort my restless feet.
If I could speak, I would tell you how the wind blowing on our faces is the Universe breathing, telling the truth of our stories.
If I could speak, I would tell you how water calms my soul, soothes the chaos in my mind and that is why I play with it, sprinkle it, splash in it, taste it, feel it running through my fingers. Water purifies my spirit.
If I could speak, I would tell you the waves talk to me like an old friend, that the sound it makes crashing to the shores is sweet, sweet music to my ears.
If I could speak, I would tell you that God loves me and you so much, that he gives us the sun, the moon, the stars, the wind, the skies and all of the earth. So how can we not marvel at this beautiful miracle called life?
If I could speak, I would tell you how much I love you, Mama and Papa. And I would tell you every single day that you did well and good. And all that you have given me, all that you are to me is more than enough.
And if I could speak, I would tell you, in not so many words but in a language that is strong, simple, loud and clear, how much I love you, in the most gentle of kisses, in an embrace so tight as I serenade you with the most beautiful songs borne out of my heart, all the days of our lives.
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